Not Feeling Like Myself

WARNING: Whiny post 😦

Pregnancy is not only full of physical changes, but it is an emotional roller coaster for many reasons. While I am excited to give birth and start a family, I can’t help but think about how much is changing – especially since for me, a lot already has changed.

For some people, their lifestyle doesn’t change much when they get pregnant, but mine has, and I didn’t have any idea how much it would. I was never a Yogi- Luke and I played club sports like flag football and participate in Crossfit. Both are off the table for me since contact happens all the time in those sports, even though it’s not supposed to, and Crossfit is very intense with jerky movements so given that I didn’t have too much experience and my joints are so lax in the first place, I would be setting myself up for injury.

I also find myself to have far less energy than usual. I am normally a pretty high-energy person, but I just get worn out so much more easily. This combined with the fact that I can’t drink alcohol, and pregnancy has completely changed my social life.

Even though Luke is awesome and supportive and sympathetic, he is still participating in multiple sports and Crossfit, has plenty of energy to get through the day, and is free to drink as much as he likes. I don’t want him to stop doing the things he enjoys either and drag him down with me, it’s enough that I have to. (I’ve just asked him not to drink around me most of the time, though I’m not going to stop him in social situations…)

I am looking forward to the time I can get up in the morning on Saturday and have a big cup of coffee, followed by some power-house-cleaning and running out to shoot photos of the animals and flowers (in the future, maybe the kids!), write a photo blog post, then maybe a hike or a trip to the gym before showering and heading out for dinner and drinks with friends without feeling like I am going to pass out right there on the table at 10:00pm. I have no idea if my life will ever be like that again… I just didn’t expect that to stop so soon (except the drinks, of course- I was ready for that).

Now my saturday is more like: force myself out of bed at 10:30am, tidy up the kitchen while brewing tea, wish my tea was coffee, slowly clean (limping because I got a nasty cramp in my calf during the night) while intermittently stopping to rest by reading a bit of a pregnancy book (currently Ina May), checking Facebook, or napping, then cooking dinner for Luke and myself before sitting down for a movie and an early bedtime. If we’re feeling social, maybe we’ll get together with friends for dinner at one of our houses or a restaurant- preferably one that is not primarily a bar so as to make me feel even worse about the fact that I can’t have a glass of wine with dinner.

I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself, and sorry for Luke and my friends that I am not the same person right now that I usually am. I am not so fun or a great friend, and I have completely different things on my mind than I used to (obviously!). I wouldn’t want to be friends with me right now!

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2 thoughts on “Not Feeling Like Myself

  1. I hate to break it to you, Julz, but it will be a few years before you get back to “normal” life again. Infants require SOOOO much care, and even when they reach stages of being able to crawl, walk and talk they are even more work–just a different kind of work. Even though Luke seems to be a great Dad-in-training you should prepare yourself for very few moments to yourself, and most likely never an entire day to yourself, until your kids are at least school aged.

    Don’t get me wrong, my kids are so much fun to watch grow up and they are so sweet when they want to be, but my life has taken a complete 180 since H was born. There’s no more time for selfish Liz who gets to go play volleyball with friends and go out on the weekends whenever she wants. Heck, I can’t even go to the grocery store without at least one kid in tow and getting together with friends only happens 1-2x per month. Family life has completely taken over and all decisions are made based on whether or not we can get a babysitter or if the girls can make it through whatever it is that we want to do (we must take into account, however, that S’s naptime is from 12-3 every day and if we deviate more than an hour she is in full on devil child mode).

    My advice: find friends who are in the same situation as you, who have kids the same age as yours. As the kids grow up, you will be in the same boat together and it’s much easier to have someone who understands your life (and has the same life) that you can vent to.

    P.S. I have been tired since 2008 except for that one time T and I went on vacation for a week without the kids. 😉

    • Not making me feel any better haha… Luckily we have a few friends who have recently had kids or will be starting soon (I hope) so it’s not too bad. I’m just mourning the loss of my old, fun, irresponsible life. Not that I was ever too irresponsible or that the next stage won’t be fun, but it’s a huge step from then to now… to 4-ish months from now.

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