Frustrations & Changes to the Plan

For those of my wonderful followers who I know in real life, please don’t go talking to people about what’s going on with me… I have given you this link because I trust you with knowing all these intimate details. I want to have this in a blog because I want to keep my nearest and dearest informed without having lots of long conversations, and I also love that there is a community of women who are going through pregnancy- it’s awesome to read about each others experiences and give each other messages of support. That said, although it is technically public, most people who know me don’t know about this and I would prefer to keep this kind of stuff off the table as dinner conversation or Facebook chit chat.

The thing about a diary is it’s a place where you can just write down everything you are thinking and feeling, put it into words, then move on. I don’t really like to talk about how I am feeling much and I’m not one to obsess over relationships or personal issues over a martini… I’ve always just liked to sort out my thoughts in writing. My biggest objective at the moment is to not think about what’s going on too much, so I have come to the conclusion that it would be best to just put it down so I can move on!

Compared to so many women, this pregnancy has been so easy. Up until a few weeks ago, that is. I had that preterm labor scare a few weeks ago and have been in prodromal labor with varying but often consistent contractions ever since. I am at the point where I don’t even notice them most of the time anymore, put if I pay attention for a little while I will notice that they are at a consistent 6 minutes apart lasting about 40 seconds each. We figured that this ongoing early labor is because while the baby is ready to come, it’s not quite in the right position so it needs to shift before it can put the proper pressure on my cervix to start active labor. On top of this ongoing early labor, I tested positive for GBS– while it’s not the worst thing in the world, I have to receive antibiotics during labor which isn’t the best thing.

Now I’ve had another hiccup… I lost my mucus plug on Friday morning, then Friday night I started bleeding. At first I thought it was the bloody show that sometimes indicates labor starting within a few days, but it was more blood than it should be. I spoke with my midwife and decided to wait it out, and it was gone by the morning. It started again though on Saturday night, so Judy recommended I go to the hospital so they could determine if something was wrong.  As it turned out, it was a polyp on my cervix (apparently all the estrogen during pregnancy can cause those) that started bleeding with all the cervical changes and pressure from the baby.

Polyps are not a big deal, but there is a tiny chance that there could be a problem during childbirth… When the cervix becomes fully dilated it gets sucked up and kind of absorbed into the uterus. There is a very small possibility that the weakened spot in my cervix could actually tear during childbirth, and need clamping or medical attention of some sort. My midwife can do perineal stitches and most medical stuff like that, but not internal cervical repairs. Being that the polyp has already bled and we are aware that there could be a problem, it would be irresponsible to take a risk of having to go through a transfer. For that reason we have made the decision to give birth in the hospital instead of at home.

Judy was concerned that I would be mad at her if we went to the hospital and then everything ended up being just fine… I said No! Of course not… I will be very happy if everything goes perfectly, and I know that her job as a midwife is to ensure an outcome that is as safe and healthy as possible for both the baby and me. She is highly experienced and I trust her professional opinion completely. I know she is an advocate for home birth and she would not make a rash decision about this.

Of course I am disappointed that I will not have the home birth that I was envisioning, but I will still have my midwife, doula and husband there to support me and advocate for my wishes. We will labor at home until I am about 8cm dilated (or if I start bleeding more than I should, of course) then head to Morristown Memorial Hospital labor & delivery. Judy will still be attending my birth and the staff at Morristown knows her. From what I’ve heard they are very good and respect birth plans for the most part. They even have rooms with birthing tubs which we will request upon arrival… I might still get to do a water birth!

Although not ideal, I am fine with the change of plans. I think I am just getting emotionally and physically worn out… There are tons of hormones coursing through my body, I’ve been in prodromal labor for three weeks, and I recognize the possibility that this could continue on for several weeks yet since I am only 39 weeks 3 days today (I have to imagine that by the time I hit 42 weeks they would induce me). Judy already said I’m a good candidate for induction… I was 100% effaced and 3.5cm dilated when they checked me Saturday night. They also said I was in early labor… what’s new? I thought it was kind of funny when the nurse popped in and looked at the toco readings and asked concernedly, Are you in pain?! I’d say No, I’m fine thanks! Really, I barely notice that I am having contractions at this point… The resident doctor asked if I normally had painful periods (no) and said that contractions just aren’t as painful for some people. If that’s the case, awesome!

I was so excited for childbirth all along, and now I’m just frustrated and over it. I am done venting now though, so if you go to the end, thanks for caring! 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Frustrations & Changes to the Plan

  1. aww Julie….I know much you were looking forward to having a home birth. Sorry to hear about the change in plans. Love ya and if you want to chill and watch some trashy tv you know i’m in.

  2. I wish we could just have a guaranteed 75% of our birth plans to go correctly! It’s frustrating and a little disheartening when things don’t go as planned, I mean isn’t pregnancy enough?!

  3. You are on the right track with what’s the come – good on you! I can’t advocate enough for a doula in a hospital, not to say that hospitals will bombard you with interventions left and right, but at least you have that support.

    Good luck 🙂 And remember: You’ll do great.

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